Uggghhh!!!

So, I'd just like to say... Topamax is kicking my butt! Well, sorta... I can deal with it, but it's sure got some killer neat side effects and I quote a few "Weakness, tiredness, drowsiness, dizziness, confusion, difficulty concentrating, tingling of the hands/feet, loss of appetite, diarrhea, impotence, and weight loss may occur." I haven't had the impotence one. Hmmm... strange... can't imagine why...
But the rest... check, check, and check. Super irritating! I even did what my mom suggested and don't think that I'll get any of them... and you know, they kind of took me by surprise. I knew that some people have tingly hands and feet and I'm like "whatever" and it's downright unpleasant! And I knew that lots of people have problems concentrating and speaking and I'm like "won't be me". Etc, etc, etc. It just seemed a little surreal, you know? It's like those commercials that say "possible side effects are..." and list every possible side effect known to man... I've always thought "really? No way do those really happen!" Well... sometimes... they do...

But I am starting to get feeling a little better.
My worst day was Tuesday. I spent the whole day feeling like I was sleep walking. I didn't function well at work and we all decided (me and the few people that up to that point knew what I was taking) that I had better start doing better 'cause totally out of it doesn't suit me for working! It's nice to be able to pick up the phone and say "good morning" and not go "ummm ornin". Apparently I was out of it enough that I had dazed expressions on my face all day. People kept laughing when they walked by. It wasn't very nice... But kinda funny...

Anyways, I just wanted to share that I'm starting to feel a little less side-effect kicked. However, if I don't have a headache (which I haven't, usually, this week) what's the problem again? Anyways, tomorrow I get to bump up the dosage again, so... we'll just see how next week goes.

My biggest problem so far, seems to be in verbal communication. I always have problems speaking, but lately... I can't come up with any of my words! It's terrible! I can't even describe stuff! There's just no thoughts in my brain to share with the world!

Or maybe the biggest problem is that for some reason I've developed a muscle twitch, but be it from the topamax or the prozac, or both... who knows! Anyways, my right leg twitches when I relax it. Sometimes quite violently. To prevent myself from kicking at undesired times, say... when driving down the road... I have to keep my right leg muscles tensed up. And then when the muscle spasms, it really hurts! A lot! But I don't jerk my leg. Just get a charlie horse...

Or maybe the biggest problem is that I'm not sleeping well anymore... not sure what drug to blame that one on...or just 'cause. I do know that I wake up sometimes with my muscle spasm thing...

Hmmm...

And today, I got lost, well, not literally, but, kinda.
I was trying to check my voice mail at work. And the code to dial into the voice mail box is 601, and then my phone extension is 9991#. Well, I got a little mixed up and couldn't figure out how to do it! I've checked my voice mail dozens and dozens of times and what do I pick up the phone and dial? 991#. (It's like a nice combination of my extension number and the 3 digit code I was supposed to be entering!) Does anyone know who/what that number is? Whatever it is, I called it twice before someone came over to see what I was so confused about. I felt like such a moron!
I hope it's not some big ol' bill to the company or something. But it rings...I'm just glad I didn't dial 911. That might have been awkward. And confusing! *Whew!!*

Anyways, maybe I'm doing as well on this current drug cocktail as I thought... ah, well, the quest for no headaches must continue! I will succeed!

Hip Hip Hooray!

GUESS WHAT??? (Chicken butt! ...tee hee couldn't resisit.)

No, really! I have exciting news!
I called the pharmacy this morning, and my insurance has agreed to let me get the Topamax! Hurray! I get to try a new drug! That's always sooo fun! As long as I don't have awful side effects... then it's not so fun... nope, it sure isn't...
Hurray!
I'm so incredibley excited! This does mean that if it works, I'll probably have to get a different kind of birth control. Hmmm... What's not a hormonal one? Besides getting a hysterectomy. I don't want to play that game. What if someday I wanted kids? Gotta find something else. I wonder if I could get an IUD? I've never had kids. Does that rule me out completely? Would it hurt? Going in, staying in, whatever? Hmmm... curious!

And this nice lady I work with, Diana, has a daughter who totally loves collecting acorns, too. And she sent me some acorns today! Two of them look like muppets or something! They are totally awsome! They seem to be a completely different variety than I'm used to. They're weird! And totally like the awesomist acorns ever! I'll have to take a picture of them when I get home. :-)

It's such a good day!

And Hal got his camera yesterday, which means that this weekend we get to do pictures! Mostly comparison pictures, so he can decide which camera to keep and which to sell. 'Cause he can't have two. That would be a little silly. Maybe we can go visit my camel friends? I should buy some bug spray just in case we go someplace we might need it. The mosquitoes are really bad lately. It's cool enough that they are alive and thriving!

Dr. Visits... are so fun!

So, yesterday I went to the Dr. She gave me a prescription for Prozac and a prescription for Topamax (Topiramate). The Prozac for depression... she agrees it's bad to cry at nothing. And I started crying while telling her I cry all the time, which she thought was amusing. Anyways, the Topamax is an anti-convulsant. It's for seizures. Also used to treat migraines.

I ran into problems filling the topamax, because, apparently, it has been shown to decrease the effectiveness of birth control. (I use NuvaRing, which is a low estrogen kind.) Apparently in clinical studies, the topamax taken in doses of 100, 200, and 400 mg/day, decreases the effectiveness of low estrogen birth control by 18, 21, and 30%, respectively.I would be taking 25 - 50 mg/day. So the pharmacist needed to talk to my Dr. to see if they should really give me that drug. So then it becomes a question of this...

Do I try the Topamax and use a secondary birth contol until I know if it works or not? Or do I switch birth controls? (Problem being I don't do well on high estrogen pills. I get a little nutty. So maybe an IUD? That sounds... awkward.) Or do I forget the Topamax and stick with the Trazodone that I've already got? Decisions decisions!

I think that Hal and I decided that if the Dr. decides that it shouldn't be a problem to give me the Topamax, I'll try it, and we'll use a back up. Not a big deal, but kind of irritating. If it works, then I'll look into a different kind of birth control. Even the chance that the effectiveness will be decreased is not something I want to play. I'm on NuvaRing partly because of the effectiveness! Besides the fact that getting pregnant while on Topamax is not a good thing! It apparently interferes with your body's folic acid, which baby's need, as well as being a killer tough drug! Bad, bad, bad idea to get pregnant accidentally!
If they decide to leave me on the Trazodone, that'd be OK, too.

And, also at the Dr...
They stole my blood! 3 vials of it! They're testing my thyroid, and my glucose levels, and something else. *Sigh* She took a look at my back and noticed all the hair accumulated (I hadn't been "plucked" that day) and asked if it always falls out like that. I said yes. And she asked if I have a thyroid problem... hmm... And we thought since they were drawing my blood anyways, we'd do the prelimary glucose thing, just to make sure there, too. Hopefully, it'll all be good. (Or bad and then they can fix me, but I'll wish for good.)

Anyways, I had a fine Dr. visit. It wasn't as bad as I've been dreading. In fact, she's really nice and listens very well! (Something to be desired in someone trying to help fix me.) I got a kick out of one of our conversations:
Dr.: Would you be OK if I requested that medical record (from my abnormal Pap smear)?
Me: Sure.
Dr.: You'd just have to sign a form. I think it would help me know if there's something else I need to know.
Me: You can have all my records. I'll sign all the forms.
Dr.: I could check your old records? (she sounded a little shocked that I "gave in" so quickly.)
Me: Umm... yeah.
So then my question is this: Doesn't it make sense that your Dr. should have access to your old records? Maybe they'd find something useful in them. Besides, that way they might not have to run the same tests! Why would a person refuse to let a Dr. see their old records? I'm a firm believer that it's important to get as accurate and informed diagnosis as possible, to help heal ME better. If they don't have all the info, how can they know what's wrong? Maybe they'll think they know, but if I haven't told them about some other perfectly relavent information, they could be wrong.

I also learned the importance yesterday of having your prescriptions filled at the same place. If the Dr. misses some interaction, that might not even be a big deal, the pharmacist might catch it. That way if it IS a big deal, you're double protected! :)

Anyways, that's all my thoughts today!

NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!

I will NOT be sick!
The flu is going around my office... And I may have caught the bug! ("And you caught me, Mim!") Drat!!! But if I catch this strain... how many more will I have to catch this winter? None or 5? Sometimes I do well and sometimes... not so well. *Sigh*
On the plus side... well, there really isn't on this one. Just that I haven't vomited... yet. I just feel like it.

I'm going to the Dr. today (for my headaches and depression) FINALLY! About time! I *wish* there was just some magical cure for migraines, but, alas, I doubt there is.
Hopefully she'll give me lots of lovely drugs to 1. Prevent my migraines. (I have them often enough that I should qualify.) 2. Make them go away, once I already have them. 3. Get rid of my depression. Between the moving far away from anyone I already knew, the constant pain, and the already depressed me, I'm a little miserable. Almost all the time.
I have been feeling a little less depressed since I've started working. Now if only I could look forward to coming here... I'd have it made! It's not a bad job. Just a job.

I did learn the other day that my Mom has had migraines for practically all her life! (That would have been nice to know... like years ago, when mine started!)
We were talking about how I'm usually "sensitive" (sounds better than killed) by 1 or 2 of the following: light, sound, or movement, but rarely all three.
Mom: "I was always sensitive to all 3."
Me: "You had migraines?"
Mom: "uh, yeah! (Duh!) I thought you knew that. Remember how I used to go into my room and close the door and lay on my bed with the light of and say 'Shhh... Don't touch me... Get off the bed... Shhh... Go away... Shhhh... Don't touch the bed... Go away... Shhhh'?"
Me: "OH YEAH!" I'm like "hmmm... never clicked."

Guess that means my headaches weren't just started from that stupid jack "incident." Maybe I won't have to have another MRI afterall! That'd be sweet. They're so LOUD! And it's killer hard to hold really still!

Ta da! and Drat!

Guess what?!


Last night, I sewed the top to the quilt I'm making. Wahoo! It's like almost done! Well, the top part of it is...I still have to sew the outside border around the inside square. And that made soooo much sense! I'm even confused and I know what I'm doing!

AND.... I've got a headache! Hurray! It doesn't feel like a migraine though. Just a headache from staring at a computer screen all day. I need to turn the brightness back down. There. Done. Now I just have to wonder... why didn't I think of that 8 hours ago? Hmmm...

And guess what else? I don't really have something else. I just wanted to say that! :)

Ghyaaak!!!!

That's my noise for today!

I just looked at my calendar and am panicking slightly! I've got so much to do before Christmas! Only 2 months to go and I've gotta be ready!!! Ghyaaaaak!


I've got: Books to find, things to crochet and sew, presents to pick/buy & make/finish...


I just came up with the cutest thing to try to make for Lexi, though! An "Elbow" puppet! Cute idea, huh? I've got a puppet body pattern, and I could probably manage a big orange nose. But what to do for eyes? Hmmm.....

Too bad I'm such a crappy sewer. But if I make enough things, I'll get better (right?!?!)!


I was totally going to make two sets of the little animals & apron that I'm attempting to make for Abi, but it's not happening. I've been working on 6 animals for 6 months -- there's supposed to be 10 total. Maybe I'll get eight done. And they're even super easy! (They are, however, adorable! I'll take pictures and post them to see after they're gifted away!)


And then whatever hairbrained idea inspired me to try to sew another baby blanket (what didn't I learn from the first one?!) for my upcoming niece.


And now I'm feeling bad 'cause I made a recieving blanket for Lacey's Abi, and now this next baby. But I skipped Nickie's Alexa! That's not fair! So, maybe if I can learn to sew decently, I'll get one "whipped-up" (haha!) for Lexi. I'd like to think I'm sort of a fair Aunt!


And what about Cindy's Sariah and Isaac? What do they get?


Is it fair to only make presents for one of our families? I really don't think so! But if they didn't know...maybe, right? But I can't keep my mouth shut for BEANS! I blab things randomly. "You should have seen what I made for my brother's little girl! But nope, I didn't make anything for yours!" Ummm.... Yeah... I'm bad... So that's not gonna work! All or nothin', I guess...


So then I ask, if a person makes gifts for some of the people, is it necessary to make things for the other ones? Or is buying OK?


And is it fair to give something to my nieces and nephews and not our younger siblings (Holly, Zac, and Jake)?


What about the rest of the family? Will they be upset if we show up for stuff for the smaller people and not the bigger people?


What if we want to show up with stuff for everybody? (But Holy Moo! (He He He! I crack myself up! Moo!) does that inspire some fear! And more things to worry about! Lets see...Moms, Dads, 6 siblings each, almost half of whom are married, 5 niephews (cute, huh?) equals... roughly 25 presents... That sounds unreasonable. We only "have to" show up with like 6 or maybe 7, but... that's no fun! Maybe some happy medium... hmmm...


Ghyaaaak!!! This did not make it better! Now I'm even more confused than I was before! And darn it all! I'm stuck at work, where I can't sew or crochet, or anything! I can type... And I guess I could shop online, if I knew what to shop for...


GHYAAAKKK!!!!! *Pull hair out now!*


I wonder if this is why I've always got a headache? I can't chill out?

Woohoo!

Today was a good day, but I did prove I'm not the most brilliant crayon in the box. So, I had a headache, right? So last night, I cleverly thought "I should lay on a heating pad to relax the muscles in my back!" (It does work and it's a fairly intelligent thing to do.)


BUT I ended up falling asleep on the heating pad, and I think I'm ready to be eaten now. My upper back muscles have been slowly stewed all night long. Wahoo! I'm a little tender. And it feels like I've got a sunburn. But the headache is gone, so it's all good!

Still goin' strong!

My head is still, tragically, attached. And very much making it's presence known. After about the 3rd day of my head throbbing and feeling like I'd like my very own guillotine, it gets very old!

I could just cry... and I have!

I was sitting in Relief Society, trying to decide if I could hack it or not. I really wanted to stay! But boy were those ladies talking loud! And then the piano started. Holy Wow! was it LOUD!!! I've never heard such a loud piano! I burst into tears and had to leave. It was really quite tragic!


Maybe earplugs are in order. It'd still be plenty loud with those, too, I'm sure! I've got really small ear canals, though, so it's really hard to find some that don't make my head hurt worse after shoving them in my ears. Tragic, I know!


I have come to a realization though. When I'm standing in the halls at church, wearing my dark sunglasses and my black shirt, I apparently look a bit aloof. And people can't quite figure out what to think of me... Sunglasses are not really a church accessory. But I'm gonna stick with 'em. If the lights and windows didn't glow so brightly, they wouldn't be necessary! Why can't everyone else just wander around in the dark all day, too? It'd be so very pleasant! Don'ch'ya'll think? (Neat word, huh? I just made it up myself! Don'ch'ya'll... has a nice ring to it!)




Anyways, I've got swell news! I made a Christmas present (PJ pants) for my little brother Jake (one down!). And I'm starting a baby blanket for Lacey's baby. It's gonna be super cute! Especially if I actually finish it... I have problems finishing my projects. I only like to do half. Start one of mine, or finish one of someone else's. Maybe I could work together with someone with the same problem? Hal's started telling me when I'm bored, "go finish something!" It's very helpful and motivational, I guess... I'm making progress! I think the biggest problem is my projects all seem to take longer than I was planning on!

Why can't we just remove our heads?

I've been thinking lately that it might be kind of fun to be a Lego person. I could just decide I didn't like the head I was wearing, and pick a new one... Or maybe just wander around headless all day. That also might be fun...


A few weeks ago, I went to the Dr. after I got off of work. I had a migraine. It just so happened to be my third migraine in the last 8 days. They were lasting about 2 days. You do the math.Anyways, why is it that most Dr. offices don't do Dr. appointments after 5 pm? If they have a walk-in clinic, which this one does, why can't you make an appointment during those hours?


Anyways, the Doctor kindly gave me a shot of Toradol. Good stuff that is. Totally SWEET!!! And she gave me a prescription for some other kind of drug (Trazodone) that is supposed to help me not have migraines (preventative drug). I've been thinking it might be working.


And then this week came. My head has been pulsating. (Right above my left eye, along the side of my head, above my ear, 'til just behind my ear.) It's bad enough that if I touch my head, even to brush my hair, it hurts! Drat! I hate that!

And what's up with the brightness of the world? Huh? Why can't we just turn it all down? And why can't I have tinted contacts that will work just like sunglasses on my eyes? The eye Dr. laughed at me when I asked her that...

And why in the world does all electrical equipment have to hum?!?! And why do phones ring so shrilly? And why can't I wear earplugs and sunglasses all day, huh?!


Anyways, I've been fairly heavily drugged up the last couple of days. And IT'S NOT HELPING!!! I swear, sometimes my magic drugs fix it and sometimes they don't! What's up with that? Do I have different kinds of migraines that respond differently to different drugs or something? Not cool! I totally should have went to the walk-in clinic yesterday again for more Toradol. Hmmm... If I can't lick this one this weekend, maybe I will Monday. I've gotta break this "pain cycle!" Grrrrr!!!!


On the plus side, I took a nap this afternoon... I love naps... They're like the most magical-ist things EVER! They're the best thing after cheese! (Chocolate, cheese, naps. In that order.) I woke up feeling absolutely fantastical! I had energy and ... wait for it... NO headache! Absolutely NONE!! Yippee!!! I was so totally stoked! And now it's starting to come back again. Grrrrowl!!!